For the past 20 years, while Christina Aguilera has been topping the music charts, her voice has been described as soulful and powerful, with just a little bit of determination. Interestingly, those words also perfectly reflect who she is in her life right now. Having turned 40, the singer says that she has been reflecting a lot and is determined to live each moment for herself and to stop worrying about what others think.
As Christina talks about this goal, a mix of vulnerability and determination stands out. “No matter what I’ve been through (successes, childhood trauma, difficulties), I still have a fighting spirit,” she says. “I never want to stop learning and growing to be the best person I can be.”
Christina was only 9 years old when she commanded the stage in Star Search. At age 13, she stood firm at The All-New Mickey Mouse Club alongside her co-stars Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears. At 19, she released her debut album and it won a Grammy for Best New Artist. In 2002 her album Stripped came out. With empowering hymns like “Beautiful,” everything about effort seems to be a message of staying true to yourself. More albums followed, as did roles in movies and television shows. The other role Christina takes very seriously: being a “mama bear” for her children: Max, 13, and Summer, 6.
So hear that you’ve caught up with what others are thinking? It’s a bit surprising. And when we say that to Christina, she laughs and says that as she has been more open, she has had this reaction more and more. But then she is quick to insist that everyone has her struggles, even the award-winning, and world-famous singers.
Has life slowed down for you at all in the past year?
Yes. She had been on the road hitting the pavement for a year and a half. My Las Vegas residency was winding down a bit right when everything closed. Before that, I had been going back and forth [on tour] in Europe, Mexico, and Las Vegas. I had taken the children. I’d go on stage and then go back to the hotel. If the children were still awake, I would read a book to them after leaving an exciting show and then try to relax before traveling the next day. I felt like a ping pong ball. So, I was going to be working on new music. So I needed the clock to stop, which is what happened. Some amazing things materialized for me.
It was a great time to be snuggled at home with my kids. I really had a moment to do little things, like being in my backyard, reading books that were on my reading list, and going through my old journals. I have this huge trunk of old diaries that I have literally kept for the last 20 years of my life. I was able to catch up with them and reflect on myself. It really forced me to be quiet and look at myself. Somehow, I wasn’t happy with many things, and it’s scary to face those feelings that, under normal circumstances, you don’t have time to face because everyone goes, goes, goes. That routine is praised, but I think we all understand that having moments to reflect and just breathe is crucial. I have been working since I was 7 years old. When I am not working, I feel a great deal of guilt. It has been embedded in me since I was little; You are embarrassed if you don’t want to keep up. Like a kid [entertainer], everyone is pitted against each other, and the other kids have that routine too. It is a strange space to grow.
Did turning 40 bring up any feelings?
You start asking yourself, “Why am I holding back in certain areas of my life? Who am I really living my life for?” And with age, you realize that life is too short to waste time thinking about what other people think of you. I realized that I am creating memories for myself and that I shouldn’t worry about what other people think.
You project such confidence—it’s surprising to hear you’ve ever felt that way.
You know, I’ve been hearing that a lot lately because I’ve been super open and vulnerable. I’ve approached all of my writing sessions by being an open book and saying, “Look, this is how I felt.” A lot of people have said, “Wait, I had no idea that you ever felt this way because you’ve always been a pillar of strength with your messages.” Yes, I have always relied on knowing myself. But even as you acknowledge your truth and power, there are moments of weakness. I’m not ashamed to say that I have my dark moments.
Are you comfortable sharing any of them?
I experienced a lot of trauma in my childhood; I have spoken very openly about it. But I think that was only part of my path. I have definitely had struggles in the past with depression and anxiety; it is a constant battle to overcome an anxious mind, a mind that always doubts. I was in a session last night and it got into my head. Someone told me that if he didn’t feel it, we could call him. I’d been feeling like I wanted to get this over with, but all I needed was someone to support me and say, “Wait for a second, I’m not giving up like that, come on, come on!”
You’re back in the studio—can we expect a new album?
I’m months away from anything being announced. I am simultaneously working on my English album and the continuation of my debut album in Spanish, about 20 years late. I am a perfectionist and I want to do my best, especially because of the soul-searching I did over the past year and the new perspective I have. I have been re-inspired and reconnected with myself. I have fallen in love with music again, which is a very important thing to say, having spent my entire career in music.
You’ve been in this industry for a long time—how have you seen it change?
When I started to be successful, there was a different mindset as to what the press and tabloids accepted or did not accept. There were no social networks, so he did not have the means to speak on his own. You had to trust journalists and how they reported on you. A lot of times, I’d read something and say, “Wait, I didn’t say it that way.” I would feel betrayed. I was still at an age where I understood myself and life. The media, at the time, was also great at pitting women against each other. And there was an intimidation mentality in the tabloids. It’s hard to look back.
The tabloids definitely put you through the wringer.
Sometimes you forget how bad it was because it was the norm. I am currently in Miami and the other day I was out with my daughter. I was thinking that she was off the radar. So, I saw these photos of us come out. I got really excited because I really tried to be more private. My old house was right up the street, and the tour buses were passing by and treating you like a zoo animal and talking f — about you. The guy with the microphone would read any tabloid story about me right in front of my son’s room. That’s harassment and it’s petrifying. Seeing those photos took me back there. But then I went back to that message of, “Who am I living my life for?
You must be proud of the success you’ve had in such a tough industry.
I am proud of my honesty. It is something very difficult to maintain in this business, especially when you have grown up under the microscope at a time when society was very critical of young women. I had to overcome many insecurities in front of everyone. Every setback has catapulted me forward. I think that’s my fighting spirit. And, at the end of the day, living that truth and being honest has always propelled me forward.
Have you always felt secure in your own body?
I think we all have our good days and our bad days in how we feel about ourselves. Going into this business, she hated being super skinny. Once I turned 21, I started to fill out a bit and I loved my new curves. I was grateful to have a loot. I’ve always said that women are much more interesting to look at than men! I have a hard time looking at the first photos of myself because I remember feeling very insecure. I would never want to relive my 20 years, you are so in your own head and finding your confidence. As you get older, you stop comparing yourself to other people and begin to appreciate and own your own body.
Are there ways you’re trying to instill those lessons in your daughter?
I am very careful if my daughter is present when I am doing photo shoots. I want to make sure that when she sees Mom with her hair and makeup she realizes that that’s not the point. If she needs my attention, I drop everything, look into her eyes and listen to her. I want to make sure she understands that this is part of Mom’s job, but that what I believe is what matters most. There is no right or wrong way when it comes to my children. I really try to encourage them to be themselves.
What are some of the ways you take care of your mental health?
I write a lot. Pencil on paper has always been fundamental and central for me. Also, going outside helps, even if it’s just my backyard. It helps me to feel the grass under my feet and to look at the trees and clouds. Yoga has also been instrumental in helping me.
This is Health‘s Beauty Issue—what are your favorite beauty rituals?
I find a lot of joy in the cleansing process: removing all my makeup so that my skin is clean with a little moisturizer and putting on a little spray to feel good on my face. And I love a beautiful hot bubble bath with all my ingredients and oils! I really make it like a nutritious soup there.
What does beauty mean to you?
Accepting yourself is what beauty is really about. As much as I also love being a glamorous girl and playing dress-up for the camera, when everything goes well that’s ultimately the most rewarding thing: being able to feel really good with who’s looking at you in the mirror because you’re owning it. everything.
